Conflicted...

Met 'Dating Site Guy' last night. Have been chatting online. He's really into me... Nice guy.
Except I spent most of this afternoon crying in secrecy... Because it seems I have feelings for the Dirril guy.
Great!
So I meet this guy who actually gives a shit about me... Yet I have feelings for the guy who only wants one thing from me. Fucking great work there, huh.
Just want to crawl into a hole and cry. Or die. Or just disappear. Or not have emotions. Something!
Fucked if I know what to do.
So I busied myself as much as possible today. Attempted to work on the float, but ran out of energy really quickly. So went up to the horses. Sat on a bucket and cried in front of Cooper while he ate. Started getting eaten by ants, so went and sorted out my shed. Finally got a lid for my last drum, sorted all my rugs out and put them in there. So at least they'll be spider free. Organised my feed, and tidied up a little.
Then came home, and cleaned the interior of my car. Was really quite filthy, lots of drink stains and what not. Was dirty when I got it, and I only made it worse (no surprises there). So got hospital grade disinfectant and scrubbed all the dash, centre console etc.
Was gonna vacuum everything, but our vacuum cleaner wouldn't suck... So drove all the way to my mates place at North Haven to use his! That, and I owed him a dinner for helping me move furniture last weekend. So vacuumed everything out, and he got the 'blood' (hoof black) stains off my window. Nice clean car now!
Us and his folks then decided to head into North Adelaide to have Montezumas for dinner. I was supposed to pay for Mark, but his folks ended up paying for all of us (how awesome), so I still owe him dinner!
'Dating Site Guy' was in the city, so I caught up with him for a few minutes. He asked me to go to a pub with him, to watch cricket.... Yeah nah. Just chatted for a while, and now I'm home....
Still feeling conflicted, still feeling like crap.
Still hurts to swallow.
I really hate being me today.